Reason I Elsker DK # 39: "The good childhood"

Denmark has a principle by which it raises its children: to provide them with "the good childhood." Not only does every family receive a monthly government-issued check (varying by the age of the children) to help cover the extra costs associated with raising kids, but when you walk the streets of CPH or through any neighborhood, you get the sense that here, children are viewed as magical and childhood as sacred.

Yesterday afternoon we saw a school class laying on the
street and drawing pictures of the buildings

Case and point: the school system, which built upon free-play, self-expression, independence/autonomy, self-directed learning, and collaboration with peers. Time spent in the classroom is far shorter than in American schools, and special Danish after school programs (where kids run the show choosing between sports and art, climbing trees, throwing dance parties, using "woodshop", playing games, etc.) take up the rest of the afternoon. These after school programs are run by "Pedagogs," a profession for which there is no literal English translation. Pedagogs are a combination of teachers, child care workers, developmental psychologists, social workers, and something else special. They go to special schools to learn about child development from a holistic viewpoint, and their primary job is to help children to reach their full potential by learning and growing in ways that cannot occur when seated at a desk.

Many DIS students intern at these programs and have discussed how difficult it was to get used to some fundamental practices. A classmate of mine said that her first day, a little girl was climbing a very tall tree and though my classmate began to go over to stop her, the pedagog told her to hold back and just watch from a distance. The next week a different classmate watched two boys get into an argument, one shoved the other. Again, the pedagog told her to simply observe and let them work it out on their own. And they did.

After school program playing at the playground near my house

I've decided to share a few photos:

Little cutie playing in a fountain in CPH

You might not be able to see in this picture, but her mother kicked off her high heels
and then joined the little girl, running together trying to avoid the spouts of water

Trampolines!

A daughter helping her father clean up his flower stand in the market I walk through every day

A group of mothers with their babies in the park that I picnicked by yesterday afternoon

Munchkin on Far's (dad) shoulders on the way to the train

Exploring in style! Pimped out in her pram 

Winter field trip to Rosenborg Castle. I see at least 2 groups of school children on the trains every morning

Safety in the city=Independence for kids

There is never a shortage of fresh air in a Danish childhood

Everything she could ever need in a pram

All my "host cousins" playing on the swingset together

Feeding the birds by the waterfront in February

Coming home from a soccer game last night: elementary-aged girls on their bikes with parents and little boy on his dad's shoulders=classic

Picnic spot yesterday: cutest girl I've ever seen playing in the fountain 

My heart melted

snow suit!

In this very adult department store there was a GIANT tunnel slide down to the exit at the end for children... a reward for sticking it out with mom and dad

As a high schooler, who needs a car when you can cart your friends around on your bike?

Morning walk with the preschoolers 

From my observations this semester, here is what I believe a Danish childhood is all about: Spontaneity, Independence, Exploring, Play, Art, Family, Comfort, Safety, Learning outdoors, Time with parents, Time with friends, Fresh air, & Wholesome fun!

A new beginning...

[Warning: this is a lonnnnng reflection, but was very, very important for me to write].

Yesterday I went for a run. A long run. A longer run than I've ever gone for in my life. And unlike the last time I went for a long run here, I did not get lost. Even at the risk of sounding corny, I will say that actually I was "found."

I got back to my house late yesterday evening (around 7:45pm) and the Hellesens were out. They had saved dinner for me on the stove, but I was an emotional mess. I'd said goodbye to some friends that afternoon and sat watching kids and their parents running through a fountain in a plaza in the city. I'd realized the INSANE amount I still had to do. And I couldn't get that thought out of my mind: that my time abroad is ending and I feel in no way ready for that. I knew I had to burn off some of my pent-up, stressed out energy, so I laced up my running shoes, grabbed my iPod, and ran out the door leaving a note that I'd be back before it was dark.

When I left my house there were tears in my eyes and I just started going. I was running and running and thinking and thinking. I can't even describe to you where I went because there were so many places. I haven't gone to the gym once since I've been here, nor have I run consistently and yet yesterday I ran with greater ease and enjoyment than I ever have before. I didn't tire and didn't wake up sore this morning. I just kept going and going, running on a semester's worth of energy and strength. As I ran past fields of sheep, through forests, on trails, by the factory, around soccer pitches, through neighborhoods, past playgrounds, to the supermarket, across a bridge, and alongside the roads I've biked and walked for the past 4.5 months, I went through this process of understanding what I am saying goodbye to and what I am bringing home with me. Here is what I have put together:

I am leaving behind life with my host family and my DIS classes. I am leaving behind Wednesday Field Studies and St. Peder's "snails" (the best Danish pastry from the best bakery). I am leaving behind my amazing courses and laughing with my friend Becca in class (and also my very attractive Developmental Disorders professor). I am leaving behind my room and my bed and the cozy couch and the fireplace. I am leaving behind long Hellesen family dinners. I am leaving behind my Danish bicycle and the Copenhagen biking traffic lights and wide bike lanes and "rush hour." I am leaving behind the small children in snowsuits and the babies out and about in prams. I am leaving behind my 50-minute commute and the surprising amount of energy that comes from doing it before 10am. I am leaving behind a city that I love and a country whose values that I connect with more than I do with my own country's. THIS is what I have been thinking about all week... all these things that I am leaving behind. But as I ran (and kept going), I had the time to push past that way of thinking. I started to consider all of the things that I am taking with me.

I am taking with me memories, SO many memories and feelings that I didn't know existed, feelings of total fulfillment and of success and achievement (even though I haven't a clue what my grades are). I am taking a new sense of total independence and confidence that I can explore and find my way all on my own. I am taking thousands of photographs to show to my family and friends (well, I'll narrow it down, I promise). I am bringing my Case Studies and term papers and all of the things I have learned, which will carry me into my senior year and beyond. I am taking a new view of psychology and a renewed sense of excitement about my future in the field. I leave with a global perspective... one built on things I've learned from DOING and learned from SEEING and from talking and reflecting.

That's when it really sank in: when I go home, I am returning a fuller human being, a more self-actualized young woman. I'm returning home even more proud of who I am and what I have accomplished (again, having really nothing to do with school). I moved to a new country by myself. I learned not only how to get by, but to thrive and grow and challenge myself and integrate. I take risks every day here, risks that feel even more special than any before because until now they could only happen here, way outside of my comfort zone and everything I've ever known before. But now the time has come to go back and take risks at home.

I am going home feeling fulfilled, feeling healthier than I ever have before (in terms of my physical strength, my emotions, my mind). I am going home with amazing new friends and a new part of my family. I have a renewed sense of what is important to me and what makes me happy: meaningful relationships, hygge, candy on friday nights, Just Dance parties, trampolines, exploring, learning, writing, adventure, white wine, taking photos, appreciating, reflecting, playing, biking, nature, laughing, balancing. I know what I value. I know why I am blessed. I wouldn't change any of it. Even the part about having to say goodbye because it is reminding me of just how incredibly lucky I am to have loved this time so much and it is giving me the chance to take all of these things I have learned and all of these things I now embody and bring them back to the people and places that I really do love at home.

And that's when I got to my final happy thought... the people I love. I often remind myself of the quote, "Wherever you are, it's your friends who make your world." It's true. I do not have to love my life in the US because of our politics; I do not have to love the guns or the conflict or distress or the social inequality or the prison system or overly achievement-oriented, competitive nature of our schools or work places. I do not have to enjoy our nation's denial of climate change, our lack of a willingness to compromise or sacrifice for one another. I do not have to like needing a car to get around. But I also need to remember that I do not have to let those things have control over my well-being or happiness. That gives a lot of power to things I wish didn't exist. And in the grand scheme of things, they are really not as significant as I am making them out to seem because I have what is important: the people I love.

I live in a country where I have the privilege of living my life according to my own values. I live in a country that really does appreciate diversity and value giving back through volunteering. I live in a country that faces challenges because we are all different and I wish that we could remember that deep down we are really all the same, but I hope that one day we will get there. The US has given me the people and opportunities that make my life meaningful. And now, I get to return to those people and places and opportunities stronger, happier and healthier than ever. As I said, I know what I value, and it will certainly take more work to make those things a part of my life in a society where they are not the norm, but I think I'm up for the challenge, and really I'm not in it alone. I love my life in Denmark, but I'm not ready to give up the things (the people!) that I love so, so much in my native home.

When I leave here, I am not leaving behind my new friends or even the Hellesens. Not at all. We do not live in the dark ages! We have skype and email and GoogleVoice. We will stay in touch; my new "family" (no longer my hosts) will even come visit me in the States this summer! I have so many wonderful things to show them... things I love and I am proud of. I have tons of people I want them to meet and many places I want them to see. I am not leaving behind my new relationships or deeper confidence. Instead, I get to put these new things together with the old things I've loved my whole life.

And after 1 hour and 10 minutes of running, as the sky was becoming dark and I knew I should get home before my family sent someone out on a bike looking for me, that seemed like a pretty exciting thing to me.

"All endings are also beginnings, we just don't know it at the time."

I can still be sad about leaving, in fact there is no doubt of it. But I now will remember: this is a new beginning.

My Denmark "Bucket List"

During the first several weeks of my time in Copenhagen, I made myself a list of all the things that I wanted to do over the course of the semester. I found it last week and was extremely proud of how I have done, and wanted to share it here as a way to commemorate that fantastic experiences I've had. I've decided to re-organize it to allow for easy picture sharing and digestion. ;-) 

Things I have managed to do:

Biking related

If you do a calculation, one hand is being
used to take the photo and the other hand is
giving a thumbs up... in other words:
I'm riding with no hands!

• Ride my bike from home to school
• Learn to bike with no hands
• Start biking to the train instead of taking the bus
• Master getting on and off my bike at stops with ease (like the Danes)
• Explore my neighborhood by bike
• Take my bike on the train
• Bike in Central CPH

Cultural Experiences/Immersion 

• Spend an evening watching the sun set on Nyhavn 
• Learn to pronounce the name of my street and my town
• Eat 3 forms of pig
• Learn to introduce myself in Danish



With Becca & Cara at May 1st

• Attend one of Mira's sporting events
• Attend one of Kasper's sporting events
• Pass for a Dane when buying something at the supermarket
• Eat five different types of Danish pastries
• Shop at a Danish thrift store
• Try a piece of Danish salt licorice 
• Drink a beer at the May 1st Labor Day celebration
• Watch a Danish TV series
• Find at least 3 Danish songs that I love
• Spend a day studying in the Black Diamond Library 

Exploring and Traveling 

Being supermodels at Mons Klint!

• Go to the Danish coast
• Travel outside of the Copenhagen area
• Go to Mons Kint
• Travel independently of DIS
• Travel completely independently 
• Go on at least 3 days of exploring with no plans

Site-Seeing

View from the top of the Round Tower

• Visit the Little Mermaid
• Go to Tivoli 
• Shop on Stroget
• Visit Rosenborg Castle
• Vist Kronborg Castle 
• Go up to the top of the Round Tower
• Visit the Louisiana Art Museum
• Go to Christiania 
• Take a picture in a viking hat

Things I didn't get to do: 

• Spend a day sitting in random spots people watching
• Talk the S-tog to a completely new stop, get off, and bike my way home
• Go to a Danish movie theatre 
• Go to the beach
• Bike the Danish island of Bornholm 
• Take a train into Sweden for a day
• Go up to the top of the Spire 
• Show my family around my new "home"
• Picnic at the Rosenborg Slot
• Take a boat trip on the canals
• Go for a run in central CPH
• Travel to at least 5 cities in Denmark (other than Copenhagen)

The "things I didn't get to do" are almost as important as the many things that I did because they provide me with even more incentive to come back. However, a sad thought occurred to me this afternoon that left me sniffling (loudly, and unfortunately in the Quiet Section of the train which was not something my travel companions appreciated): 

After a truly amazing day doing some schoolwork and then eating/walking/talking in the city with friends, I headed off to catch the train. It had rained in the morning (one of 3 rainy days this entire spring), but by 3:30pm when I was rushing home to meet Helle to see Mira's riding class, it had turned into a beautiful spring day. I smiled to myself as I walked through one of my favorite plazas, watching the families and tons of babies out in their strollers and the groups of friends seated talking with their bikes in a heap. But then quite suddenly I was overcome with sadness that this will never again be my reality.

I know I will come back to Denmark to finish the many things on my "Bucket List" and visit my Danish family, but my experience abroad is now ending. The next time I am back in CPH I will be a tourist, not a "citizen." I will not be able to spend the day working/studying, hanging out in my friend's apartment, biking to and from the train to get home, jumping on a trampoline in my backyard, eating dinner with the Hellesens and returning to my room to think and blog about the day. When I come back, I will have no bike nor a train pass, I will have no homework (by which I mean no responsibility), my friends will not be here, "my" room will once again belong to Kasper (though I am seriously happy for him... I've felt terrible having taken over his space), I will simply be a visitor. It sadly makes me wonder whether Copenhagen will still feel like my home. :-(

I am sorry to be a "downer," but right now, sad is really how I am feeling. I know that it is in many ways a good thing to be sad; it means that I had such an amazing experience that it makes leaving it behind difficult. Tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday will be filled with emotional ups and downs: goodbyes to new friends, turning in my last final exam, adventures (and maybe checking off a few last-minute items on my bucket list) and quality time with my host family. So while I know it will be very difficult, I could not ask for a more exciting and fulfilling last few days. I'm trying hard not to think of it as the "last" time I do this or that, but the thought keeps creeping in. 

Jeg kommer til at savner Danmark. 

[I am going to miss Denmark]

Reasons I Love the USA

You can probably tell that I have fallen in love with Denmark: I love Danish values (equality, equal access to basic needs, family, friends, togetherness, community); I love the biking culture and commitment to sustainability; I love the Welfare System and the fact that the country is also a giant community; I love the city of Copenhagen with the blend of old and new, the history and architecture, the modern design; I love the lack of a "consumer culture" and an emphasis on living in moderation; I love seeing Danish families together and watching little independent children roam the city streets in safety; I love hygge in the winter and the weather in the summer; and on and on and on....

My list has grown a lot over the course of the semester, but now as I prepare to head home in just 4 days, I've been working on a different list, one which I am hoping will make my transition into life in the USA a little easier. I'm anticipating some pretty intense "reverse-culture shock" as I adjust to life in a place where I need a car to go pretty much anywhere and have to fear getting killed if riding my bike outside the neighborhood; where I'll have 45 choices of shampoo at our super-sized supermarkets; where I will be met with hot and sticky summer heat (leaving behind the now lush greenery and crisp, sunny, spring weather); and where I will have to resume paying better attention to the endless, unproductive political banter about issues that I see as absurd. 

When I first considering moving back to the States, I felt mostly only sadness. I've now experienced life in a culture where I fit with the values, beliefs, and lifestyle infinitely better than I do with the overall culture of the US. Let me be clear: I have never lost sight of just how blessed I am as an American and particularly in my life as an American (the fact that it's not an equal blessing to all is one thing that bothers me). I know that I have much to be proud of and I've taken the time to seriously consider some of the many things that I love about my life in the USA. I with that, I want to share my top 10 reasons that I <3 the USA (in picture form whenever possible)!

Reason #1: My family and friends. My loved ones have certainly shaped my life and have done so in a remarkable way. I've been surrounded by amazing people from the east to west and from north and south. 

Reason #2: Diversity. One of the very few things that I am critical of Denmark about are their immigration policies. While I understand the concerns of many Danes and the struggles associated with only recently trying to integrate immigrants into what has historically been a VERY homogeneous society, I am very proud of the diversity of the US. I have friends from literally all over the world, from every religious background, etc. 

Reason #3: Endless opportunities. This photo is from the convocation at my Freshman year at Dickinson. To me, my education there has epitomized the concept of endless opportunities. Case and point: study abroad!

Reason #4: The beauty of the landscape. My Dad and I have taken three father-daughter hiking trips across the US. The spectacular scenery (and it's varied nature) is mind-blowing. 

Reason #5: Innovation (particularly in medicine and technology). Denmark may have free health care, but the treatments that they use are almost 100% developed in other countries (often the US). 

Reason #6: Openmindness about people with disabilities (and the changing perspective about mental illness). The US does set the bar reasonably high in terms of the success of the movement empowering people with disabilities. The Best Buddies program is one manifestation of this movement and was the program that introduced me to Sean, one of my very best friends (and my prom date!). Additionally, the conversation about mental illness seems to be changing at a faster rate in the US than it has been in Europe. Keep it up, USA!

Reason #7: Small towns, big cities, and everything in between!

Reason #8: Celebration of individuality and differences: While I love the non-competitive nature of the Danish system, I do love the emphasis that the US puts on how special and unique each of us is. We are able to celebrate the accomplishments of loved ones and to praise them for being who they are.  

Reason #9: Rich, revolutionary history. Not only did we bring about the whole idea of democracy, but we also have recently re-elected the first Black president.... pretty amazing USA. 

Reason #10: US support of important causes worldwide. For those of you who don't know, my big brother is a soldier in the US army. While I would rather have him home safe and sound, I am proud that the US has helped in some pretty important military efforts around the world. Also, this "reason" includes financial support, which the US offers rather generously. 

I think having looked through the endless supply of photos of amazing memories, I've come to realize something very important: despite the fact that politics are messy, there are MANY parts of my life in the US that are not touched by political banter (at least not yet). I can be proud of the things the US stands for, even though I personally believe that our policies and attitudes have gotten off course. I can appreciate many parts of life at home without agreeing with all values at a societal level. Denmark may have the culture with which I fit better, but the US has the people who make my life meaningful and it is where I have been blessed to grow up. I know not every American has a similarly happy story, but for tonight (and this week) I will focus on the grateful side of things.

I'll end here for tonight with the conclusion of one of my first Dickinsonian (school newspaper) columns about my time abroad. The article explained some lifestyle differences between the US and Denmark and closed with some thoughts about the utility of a Danish model in America:

Denmark has an advantage that many other countries around the world (including the US) do not: its size. It is a homogenous society with only 5.5 million people who live in similar conditions, close proximity, and share religious practices and cultural history. These commonalities make compromise and coming together far easier, for I believe it is easier to sacrifice what you have when you know and connect with those who you are working with. The size and diversity of the US -- 300 million people, compared to Denmark’s 5.5 million -- lead to differences in culture and values that Danes don’t have to grapple with (or benefit from). I believe that the biggest problem that the US currently faces is that we see our differences as insurmountable barriers rather than a source of cultural richness to be celebrated. 


I hope that in the coming years we can return to viewing our differences as valuable and worthy of celebration. It is after all, what has defined us.

Doggy Day Care

Wednesday through Saturday I had the distinct privilege of taking care of my Danish home and the world's greatest host-dogs, Junior and Balou, who you've probably occasionally seen featured in posts before. However, I've stock-piled a HUGE collection of photos of these dogs, who have been constant sources of comfort and joy in my life here, and so I will use this opportunity to not only describe my weekend, but also show off how adorable they are.

Meet Balou!

Balou is 9 years old (or actually maybe 7... hmmmm...)! Regardless, he is an old man in dog form. During the winter, he spends 90% of his time with his face pressed RIGHT NEXT TO the glass pane on the fireplace. His metal collar gets so hot that it burns your hand if you touch it, but it doesn't seem to bother Balou. 

"Holding my head up is just so exhausting! I think I'll rest it on this table."

Balou sleeps in the most bizarre positions. He especially likes contact with things (i.e. walls, corners of tables, the side of the couch).

Mira is imitating Balou in his absolute favorite sleeping position on his favorite winter-time sleeping wall

Now that it is summer time, he prefers to sleep with contact to chairs that are closer to the windows and therefore offer sunlight. It is like a mini-vacation from the other side of the room.

Balou is patient, loving, and very loyal. He is quiet and yes, very slow-moving (but he's allowed... he's quite old for a big dog), and most importantly, he is a wonderful companion for Junior!...

Meet Junior! 

Junior is 3 years old and is Balou's biological son! Junior is the second-cutest dog in the world (after Mickey, my real dog, of course!) and is fun loving, affectionate, very smart, cuddly and yet independent (the best combination), well-behaved, and an excellent companion for anyone. 

Junior!

A visit during my studying

Always ready to play...

...and when no one is available, Junior knows how to occupy himself!

He LOVES chasing sticks and running around off the leash. All you need to do is give a whistle or say his name just once and he will come bounding back to you even if it means leaving rodents, people, etc. behind 

One Saturday morning I came into the living room to find the family watching something on the news.
Can you spot Junior?... 

...Lars seems completely unphased by the adorableness going on at his feet. I, on the other hand, was dying 

And together, they live very happy and full lives...

During the heart of the winter months, Junior and Balou spent as much time as possible sitting in front of the fireplace. Junior loves to cuddle with Balou, who usually groans...

....but like a good Dad, he puts up with Junior's constant need for closeness (even during some awkward times) 

Waiting by the door (I'm sure for Lars to come home)

Junior LOVES sticks. If you go on a walk, he will immediately find one. This particular afternoon, his selection was a bit too big for Lars to throw (or for him to safely walk around). 

Lars broke the giant stick into three and both dogs wanted the same part (good to know that humans aren't the only species who has problems with sharing)

Asleep together in Helle and Lars' room

Given how much I love them, I was obviously very excited to have some quality time with the dogs, and all in all, the weekend was a great success!

I got very comfortable walking two giant dogs at the same time 

I got to make my own meals (which included a LOT of salads... something we don't frequently eat) 

In fact, I went the whole weekend without eating meat (I told the Hellesens upon their return... they didn't understand how it was possible)! Instead, my friends and I enjoyed salads packed with veggies and beans with cheese/avacado/corn quesediallas on the side and occasionally paninis... fab! 

And I walked them some more!

I got a ton of homework done AND got to hang out with some of my awesome DIS friends...

I was certainly happy to have the Hellesens back on Saturday afternoon, but was very grateful for 3 things:

1. A chance to be helpful to the family by dog/house sitting during their vacation

2. Cuddle time with the dogs

3. A totally quiet house with minimal distractions (perfect for the start of exams)

I had basically just finalized the details for stealing Junior back to the US, but when the Hellesens returned home, he was SO excited to see them. Although I know that he really does love me, I think that Junior would be very sad without them. And poor Balou (who I've decided is too old to travel long distances on a plane) would miss his companion (well, maybe...). I guess being reunited is just another reason I have to come back!