[Note: this turned in to more of a reflection for me, than an update for anyone else, but it will help to explain my life as of now. Feel free to skip this post (it's long!)]
Basically I received word that no one in the Dickinson psychology department was willing to serve as an advisor for my proposed thesis, something that frustrates me more than I can say for about 1.3 million reasons. The easiest reason to explain my frustration is that this is the project I proposed had been carefully developed under the guidance of a professor who had pushed me away from traditional topics, encouraging me to explore new territories that would give me the opportunity to "make a meaningful contribution to the field." I did just that, and I did it better than anyone (myself included) expected. [Note: The professor who I worked with this fall will be on sabbatical next year and therefore cannot supervise my project]. Now, I am getting ready to expand upon my initial project and suddenly the department is pushing me back to pick a project that is more in line with the "research interests/expertise" of one of the faculty members. I nearly blew a gasket, and spent a considerable portion of Tuesday and Wednesday composing emails to fight their rejection, leaving me exhausted and overwhelmed by the time I started to do actual homework.
Things have sort of reached a relative state of peace, both sides (me and potential advisor) agreeing to think about possibilities for a project over the next several months. But this frustration added to a growing feeling that maybe I am ready to be done being an undergraduate student. In one email exchange I was encouraged to save my project idea for graduate school, and I think when I read that I suddenly thought, Okay, fine. But then in all honesty, why am I not in graduate school now? It took me about 30 seconds to realize that this reaction was definitely not only in response to Dickinson/thesis issues. A much bigger part of it is socially driven.
The fact that I am still floundering trying to make a group of friends at DIS is definitely contributing to my feelings of being "done" with undergraduate studies. Here at DIS, where I don't have an established group of friends, I am reminded on a daily basis just how different I am from many people my age in certain key social ways (mainly surrounding my lack of desire to get extremely intoxicated to make friends). I can't help but wonder whether I would have an easier time connecting with people my age if they were really my age (and not 2 years younger because of my gap years). The point is moot, however, because I am here (in Copenhagen!) and can (and will) find ways to appreciate it, have fun, and make good friends. There are certain things that are making that a bit harder...
Even though one of the main appeals of coming to DIS was that I was not going where every Dickinson psychology major was going to study abroad, it came at a certain cost: many schools did send swarms of students who arrived at DIS with well established groups of friends. We're only in the first full week of classes (which meet on a very limited basis as is), but students seem to be sticking to the people who they knew before arriving at DIS rather than branching out (as I had hoped). I have no trouble having conversations with students in my classes, but I can't seem to find anyone who is interested in having someone new join their group (and perhaps more than that, I can't really find any group that I am interested in joining).
Living with a host family (which I still absolutely love) does mean that the only place for me to meet other students is in my classes. Two of my classes meet once a week (meaning I have seen those students exactly once at this point). Two of my other classes are entirely lecture based (as in, I walk in, take out my computer, take notes, ask a few questions, answer a few questions, pack up and run out the door to my next class... no time for conversation). The last class is the only one where there is the potential for me to meet people, but I am having trouble connecting with that particular set of students.
The other problem is figuring out when to try to hang out with people. Usually at Dickinson, if I meet someone and want to get to know them, we schedule a meal. Here, I have classes through lunch on Mondays, Tuesdays, (there are no classes for anyone on Wednesdays) and Fridays. I arrive for my first class at 10 and am done just before 3 when most people are heading out back to their dorms/kollegiums/host family homes. That leaves Thursday (when I have one class) as a potential lunch date, but most students in psych classes have practicums and are off campus all day. Soooo... I'm at a loss. I know that there are other students also looking to make friends, I just have to find them (which feels hard when classes meet so rarely and there is no campus to which we are confined when not in class). It feels a bit like what I imagine freshman year would have felt like if I hadn't met Noor instantly. (Also of note, adding to my feelings is that I miss my friends from Dickinson so, so much).
I am trying very hard to continue to focus on the positives (easier at some times than others). I still love the city. I love my host family. I love my commute. I love (most of) my classes. I love taking photos. I love eating pastries. I love biking/walking to get places. I love sustainability. I love learning about Danish politics/society. I love DIS's program (in terms of the class structure, outings, etc). On top of that, I know I have a lot to look forward to.
In the coming weeks these are the things I am excited for: EMILY coming to visit, my cooking class (making Danish chocolates), my study tour to Western Denmark (3.5 day trip with my positive psych class), my long study tour to London (7 day trip, also with positive psych class), the weather getting warmer and the days getting longer, my field studies with each class (meditation one next week, trip to a museum, trip to a castle, volunteering day, etc), my backpacking trip to the Norway Fjords, going to see Mira ride horses and Kasper play soccer, taking more photos, learning/practicing more psychology, and (I know it will eventually happen) making new friends!
In the mean time I have more than enough to do (sadly, a lot of it is work). My hope is that as I get a better grip on balancing/managing school work, I will also be making friends, and eventually will have more of a social experience/ideal balance. This weekend I will go exploring (perhaps independently, perhaps with a friend). Tomorrow I've set up a coffee date with a girl from one of my psych classes (see, I am trying!) so that will be fun. Now having written all this, I will also ask the girl who sits next to me in Developmental Disorders for her cell number. We've chatted before/after class, and she's living with a host family too, so maybe she is someone who will also be looking for opportunities to make new friends.
Okay, I am going to create a few posts with pictures from the past few days. This post has turned out to be quite lengthy and ramble-y, but it's helped me to evaluate where things stand. Vi ses (see you)!
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